I just found out on Wednesday that I have endometrial cancer. I don't know what stage it is or if it's spread elsewhere. I know that I'll likely end up having a hysterectomy, and that I will find out more details in January. I know that they gave me lots of progesterone to slow the growth. So far it has been successful at making me weepy. There's a great song that Misty Edwards sang during her bought with cancer that will likely be my theme song in ways that I never planned. I have always loved it...."It's only a shadow." Misty sings about walking through the valley of the shadow of death, with a realization that it's only a shadow. Shadows can't hurt you. If Jesus really defeated death, then there is no death that this physical world can bring. She sings, "try and take my body, try, try and take all of me...but my soul he keeps. My soul he keeps." That's a higher truth. Death here is nothing, it's not permanent. That being said, this is scary as hell. And not at all in the same breath. I can't help but wonder if this is my last journey on earth. I'm honestly ok if it is. I pray that he will give my family and friends the grace and strength to see me go. On the flip side, if this isn't an ending journey but just a birthing into a new season, then I'm ok with that too. I felt like God told me, "There's health on the other side of this mountain." That doesn't answer what kind of a journey this is going to be, at least the way I understand it.
Some people will want to pray for me to be healed, which is of course what I want as well. Whether that is miraculous healing, or via the hand of a dr and some meds, I have no preference. But my friend Mike told me yesterday that he is praying that God's will is accomplished in this season of my life. I like that prayer the best. So that's what I'm asking people to pray for...that God's will is accomplished in my life and in the life of those around me through this journey.
I don't want to have to go through chemo and radiation. I would like to think that I can be one of those kick ass people who completely overhauls their life and starts eating organic vegetables and dirt and kicks cancer in the face. But if that's going to happen, that will be miraculous. God's going to have to give me a whole lot of strength.
So for this day, I will trust in God, not listen to the enemy try to scare me, and I will have fun with my friends. Today is the day the Lord has made, I will rejoice in it. I will thank God for this adventure.
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